There is something that has been weighing very heavily on my heart and mind for the last 8+ months. I don’t really believe in airing one’s dirty laundry for the world to see, but I am hoping that some of you can understand and help me.
As y’all know we have 3 little kids and 3 dogs. One of those dogs is a Labrador, Mila, so really she is the work of two dogs. She is the sweetest dog, so intensely happy and full of love but at the same time so completely full of energy. We are a high energy family for the most part but I just am not able to give what all she needs. There are days when I am so overwhelmed by everything else that is going on in my life I can’t even imagine spending the time or energy on dogs. We have gone back and forth (honestly for me, since we got her) about whether or not we are going to keep her. We have really good periods where I am not overwhelmed with everything else and giving her the attention she needs is not a problem. The plain fact of the matter though is those times are way outnumbered by times when I just can’t. I keep thinking that the energy will go down, but you know what, it won’t, and that’s okay. She is a lab, she is a lab with a LOT of energy, and that’s okay. She doesn’t have to change who she is, we just might have to find her the right home. A home where she has a job, land, and an owner that does not have 3 kids 4 years and under that consume their day. Right when we get to the point of really being okay with the decision to find her a new home I chicken out.
I know it will hurt, we will all be so sad, my girls will miss her deeply and for a long time. Then I get scared that she will miss us. I can’t even thinking about what will go through her head when we give her to another family. Maybe it will be joy, maybe she will be so full of love and excitement for this new family to love on and new land to run around on. Maybe she will be so grateful to be in a family where they don’t lose their temper on her easily. Maybe she will have a job that she not only gets to do but loves to do.
But maybe she won’t. Maybe it will hurt her too. Maybe she won’t understand and all she will see is that we don’t want her anymore, that she must somehow be bad and that we are getting rid of her. Maybe she will miss the girls and their endless snuggles. Maybe being separated from Kodi will make her sad.
That is what I am afraid of. I am afraid of hurting her. I am afraid of making her feel unloved, because honestly it is because we love her that we want to find a better home for her. It is because we love her that I want her to go somewhere that she can have more attention. It is because I love her that I want her to have the best life possible and I am just not able to give that to her right now.
I really don’t know what to do. Right when we get close to searching for a better home for her I chicken out but then the next day I am losing my temper on either her or my kids because I just have so much to take care of on a daily basis. I don’t know what is a selfish decision, or if it is even a bad thing to have a selfish decision. And honestly part of my is embarrassed and feels like a failure. Like I can’t handle it. I mean, deep down, I know that is not the case and that this is my life and that we just have to make the decision that is best for our family regardless, but those fears of judgement are still there.
When I think about a life for her of a hunting dog or a ranch dog I get so excited. I know she would be so intensely happy, loyal, hardworking, and helpful. When I think of that kind of a life for her I feel hope, joy, love, and excitement for her, for this life she might have. I just don’t know how to go about getting that life for her. How do you know that your dog will be taken care of? Loved? Kept? Snuggled? I guess I can’t really know all those things for sure, I can just hope and pray (and screen the crap out of the family). I want her to find a family that will use her energy, that has more time than we do, that can handle her work ethic and not realize in a year that they too aren’t able to give her what she needs. I want her to have a family that she can grow old with. Honestly I so wish that family was ours, but I just don’t know if it is.
Please, If you have any suggestion or help let me know. Also, please understand that this is a sensitive subject for us and I would appreciate everyone keeping the comments kind and positive.